Culmination

The series of events that lead me to be on the precipice of change, on the surface, or individually, are all small and insignificant events. Nothing stands out as a major event. Nothing on their own would make one look back and say yep, it was then, that moment. That’s when everything changed.

I had started out that week, certain of the direction of my life. Single, very happily single. Dating. Hook-ups. Catching up with friends. Sleeping alone. This was how I pictured things for a long time to come. This is how I wanted things, for a long time to come.

I look back on the culmination of these events. Catching my stride in dating on Grindr. Meeting Jude, who couldn’t make up his mind between coffee and sex. That damn taxi and Brett, who made it clear the first night that we were just friends. Getting that giant hickie – my tramp stamp – and how that made Brett question being on a date. Finally, meeting Jude in person.

I do wonder if any off of those things had not occurred, what would the outcome have been.

What if Brett didn’t know Jude through a mutual friend. I would not have met Jude.

If Roger hadn’t marked me with the giant hickie – Brett would have thought that he was on a date, and might have acted on it, flirted with me. Kissed me. Would we have gone to the court? Would I still have met Jude? If so, he would have seen me there with Brett. We wouldn’t have made out then that night.

What if Brett had of come home with me that first night. If the taxi was a moment later, or didn’t come at all. Would that have meant no Roger and no hickie? Second dates, third dates with Brett? No roller derby? No going to the Court?

Had I have not hit my stride with dating on Grindr, perhaps none of it would have happened. No chatting with Jude. No two date in one night. No Roger and the hickie. No Brett, and no meeting Jude at the Court.

There are a lot of maybes and what ifs in this story. A lot of looking back and wondering how things might have been different. But it wasn’t, it can’t be.

The culmination of events lead me to meet Jude. This would have a lasting impact on me. See my whole life change. In ways that I never thought it would, and in ways none of my friends would ever have believed possible.

I have much to say about my year with Jude. While the ending may already be known. I feel the need to tell the story, and that it will still be a worthwhile read even if we have skipped to the last page before starting. I hope that the coming posts attract your attention, that they will at least entertain you while you are reading them, and at best, create a connection between writer and reader.

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